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Posts Tagged ‘Solitary’

As I prepare for the Solstice, I’m finding myself really missing the idea of being a student of a tradition. In a way, it’s a mourning as much as a growing process, and while I understand (and really came to a mutual agreement about) why this wasn’t going to work right now, it’s still hard. Especially knowing that my fellow students are probably going to be initiated soon – though I am very happy for them.

I had my former teacher do a reading for me, in the vein of where I should go from here, and (not surprisingly) any path is going to be difficult, but come with its own rewards. I’ve considered looking at a local ADF grove, just to be a public member, but I’m not sure I could go back to just being part of a laity instead of a student. And I really don’t have the mental energy to be a student right now, especially with the sheer amount of homework that comes with the dedicant path in ADF.

I did a reading for myself as well, and after a long break (while I was studying with the coven), my old friend the Three of Wands came back. While I’ve always seen this as my seeking card, due to the way the main figure is so intently watching the ships on the horizon, I find it has rather a different feeling than it used to. (Oh Tarot, how versatile you can be…)

This time I’m seeing myself watching the ships, the things I see as possible futures, once I get my mental state in order, but there in the foreground are three trees to tend. Things that I can and should tend on my own. While this isn’t a typical reading for the Three of Wands, which usually reflects seeking for something new and leaving the old behind, for some reason I keep going back to his three trees, and the idea of focusing on what I can do here, and now, and on my own.

And really, returning to a solitary path IS something new and challenging, so I guess that part of the card applies as well.

Even if I know the solitary path is hard, and filled with the traps of inaction and succumbing to busyness rather than making time for practice, I see myself going in that direction for the time being. My husband agrees, and thinks a time of inner work and introspection will be positive and help me grow – and grow more stable.

It’s still hard to give up my identity as a student (something I was for nearly two years), but I think it’ll be for the best. I learned a ton in that time, and I’m a better witch for it, but I think I can grow as a solitary witch as well.

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