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Posts Tagged ‘seeking’

As I prepare for the Solstice, I’m finding myself really missing the idea of being a student of a tradition. In a way, it’s a mourning as much as a growing process, and while I understand (and really came to a mutual agreement about) why this wasn’t going to work right now, it’s still hard. Especially knowing that my fellow students are probably going to be initiated soon – though I am very happy for them.

I had my former teacher do a reading for me, in the vein of where I should go from here, and (not surprisingly) any path is going to be difficult, but come with its own rewards. I’ve considered looking at a local ADF grove, just to be a public member, but I’m not sure I could go back to just being part of a laity instead of a student. And I really don’t have the mental energy to be a student right now, especially with the sheer amount of homework that comes with the dedicant path in ADF.

I did a reading for myself as well, and after a long break (while I was studying with the coven), my old friend the Three of Wands came back. While I’ve always seen this as my seeking card, due to the way the main figure is so intently watching the ships on the horizon, I find it has rather a different feeling than it used to. (Oh Tarot, how versatile you can be…)

This time I’m seeing myself watching the ships, the things I see as possible futures, once I get my mental state in order, but there in the foreground are three trees to tend. Things that I can and should tend on my own. While this isn’t a typical reading for the Three of Wands, which usually reflects seeking for something new and leaving the old behind, for some reason I keep going back to his three trees, and the idea of focusing on what I can do here, and now, and on my own.

And really, returning to a solitary path IS something new and challenging, so I guess that part of the card applies as well.

Even if I know the solitary path is hard, and filled with the traps of inaction and succumbing to busyness rather than making time for practice, I see myself going in that direction for the time being. My husband agrees, and thinks a time of inner work and introspection will be positive and help me grow – and grow more stable.

It’s still hard to give up my identity as a student (something I was for nearly two years), but I think it’ll be for the best. I learned a ton in that time, and I’m a better witch for it, but I think I can grow as a solitary witch as well.

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One of the local Witches that I’ve had the pleasure of corresponding with recently suggested this exercise for Creating Liminal Space, since I’ve had trouble really connecting to a patron Deity. If I had to pick any Deities that I’ve felt connection to, the only ones I’ve ever really felt strongly about are Danu and Gaia (and Gaia largely due to Oberon Zell’s gorgeous statue of Her).

But I am the River Daughter, a name I’d not really thought about using in the Craft… but which is quite appropriate for Danu, who was a River Goddess and Mother Goddess (and for whom the Danube and Dnieper rivers (among others) are named. So I thought I’d give Trothwy’s exercise a try, if only because it’d be good for my intuition, and because I really could use a permanent altar space to sit at and cast my circles.

And sure enough, she was right. As soon as I started walking with some incense, I felt /something/. Maybe my imagination, maybe not – but there was definitely something there, and I now have a little altar set up on the countertop of the bar in my house. It’s both conveniently located next to water (the sink) and an open space, and is in a place where the cats probably won’t disturb it too much.

I did a little chanting, and a little listening, and I plan to repeat the exercise tomorrow. The longer I sat there, the more things just felt “right”, for lack of a better explanation.

There’s not a lot that I’ve been able to find about Danu from an archaeological standpoint, and most of the legends are about her (quite amazing) children – so I’ll be going on my intuition and creativity for what I can’t find in the myths.

Today’s Tarot Card:

The Prince of Wands – Who reminds me that passion and eagerness are a good thing… but that I must also follow through on things I commit to. Fortunately this card also comes with the attitude that New Things Are Good. Since I can sometimes be resistant to change, that’s at least a bit encouraging – even if the card does come with a bit of a warning!

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